We’re Not Fine—and It’s Time to Talk About Menopause

We’re Not Fine—and It’s Time to Talk About Menopause

Imagine a world in which men’s hormones shift monthly from puberty until midlife. At midlife, their hormones go wild, causing emotional turmoil, physical upheaval, and critical health shifts. Finally, when everything has settled down, the end result is brain fog, exhaustion, lack of sex drive, sagging skin, hair loss, and general malaise.

In this scenario, the scientific community would be all over it. They would understand the mechanisms behind these hormonal shifts. They would determine which shifts were necessary and which ones could be eliminated. They would have found medications, lotions, and creams to handle the offending side effects of hormonal swings. Med students would learn about this terrible injustice to mankind in medical school and know all the latest and greatest cures.

Are you doubting the truth of this scenario? All you have to do is look at what is happening today with hair loss and sexual dysfunction. Both men and women experience these as they age. Men have a plethora of potential solutions for both. Women are told to cut their hair differently to hide the thinning and to light a candle and drink a glass of wine before painful sex.

Fifty percent of the population experience debilitating hormonal fluxes and are told, “That’s just part of being a woman and aging.” So instead of solutions, women are forced to deal with weakened bones, heart issues, cognitive changes, and more. And, quite frankly, it is well past time for women to stop accepting platitudes and demand real solutions.

Years ago, a study was done on hormone replacement therapy (HRT), one of the few treatments available to women experiencing menopause symptoms. I’m not a scientist or researcher, so I won’t go into the details, but the conclusion was that HRT increased the risks of breast cancer, heart attacks, and strokes, leading many doctors to become reluctant to prescribe it.

The study has since been challenged, with critics arguing that the findings were overstated, that the type of HRT used is no longer the standard, and that the study did not adequately account for differences in the ages of the women involved. However, many providers (both male and female) still refuse HRT on the basis of this study. In the meantime, nothing of consequence came on the market to help women. We were told it was just something to get used to.

In my novel, Peg, Unhinged, I explore a woman going through menopause in a humorous light. We see her fall apart at the seams as hot flashes and mood swings get the best of her. We watch her husband decide he is ready to move on to greener pastures and begin dating women half his age while Peg studies the wrinkles on her face and flabby skin on her upper arms. We note how she learns to handle her changing role from hands-on mother to empty nester. We follow along as she looks at her work-life balance and realizes she has nothing left to give.

I dish it all up with dark humor and sarcasm because a bitter pill goes down easier with laughter. However, I also tackle some tough subjects, including divorce, midlife reinvention, and what to do about those pesky menopause symptoms.

I was recently asked if I worried about sending the wrong message out into the world—one that suggests women shouldn’t be given positions of importance because they were too unstable and emotional. At first, the question angered me. How dare someone make such assumptions about women. Then the question saddened me. What could I say to this? Finally, I had my answer.

Women have spent my entire lifetime—and generations before me—fighting to be seen as equal to men. Much of this fighting has been done while concealing what goes on inside our bodies. Women give birth and go back to the workforce within weeks. Women pump breastmilk in bathroom stalls before heading to a big meeting. Women suck down ibuprofen and plaster a smile on their face before heading to the gym to do squats and lunges. Women silently suffer through brain fog and hot flashes while running for office.

Yet despite all that silence and pretense, the old stereotype persists—that women are too emotional and unstable for positions of importance and responsibility. Silence isn’t fixing the problem—and I believe it never will.

Instead, we need to speak up. We need to talk about menopause and what it is doing to our bodies and minds: Tell it to other women, to doctors, to advocates, to newspapers, on platforms like this, on podcasts. We need to normalize the experience among women, so we stop hiding. And we need to help those who can make a difference see the need for solutions.

I don’t believe Peg, Unhinged will find its way into the hands of a researcher who decides to take on menopause single-handedly. Instead, I hope it finds its way into women’s hands across the country, lets them see that they are not alone, and empowers them to tell their own stories. It will be the noise of thousands that finally helps us not just live longer lives, but happier, healthier, more fulfilled ones.