A decade ago, I was not surprised to read an article by a romance author in her fifties recommending to her sisters that we disguise ourselves and our characters as young. Her reasoning was that young sex gets published and old sex does not. Why not pass, borrow the privilege of youth, and make more money?

But the flip side of passing is the lost opportunity to expand our horizons and educate others. When we let people assume we are different than who we are, we allow them to continue their denial. We make a tacit agreement: "I won't rock your boat and you won't treat me as less-than."
 Passing is helpful in the short term, but it has costs: in attitudes that don't change, in lost opportunities for personal growth. Still, we must choose our battles. For example, I’m not ready to let my hair go grey. I am not prepared for the uphill slog of proving to each person I meet that I remain vivid and capable. Plus, why shouldn't I have the same right to dye my hair as a younger woman? I respect women who choose to go grey, but it’s not my fight.

Publishing sexy characters past midlife, and encouraging others to do the same, is my chosen battle. This is our voice. This is our opportunity to let others in on the "secret" that women past midlife are vibrant and alive. That when we live in sin, we are blissfully sinning; that when we marry, we want more than a companion; that whether single or in relationship, our sexuality is our innate birthright.

To write past midlife is a fun revolution: a creative way to thumb our noses at the dominant narrative. We write vibrant characters who share our complexity: humans who have lived full lives, loved much, desired much, and experienced much. And what we do when we break stereotypes is part of the larger struggle for equality. As we push back on gendered ageism, let us support our Sisters of a Certain Age who also face ableism, racism, homophobia, fatphobia, and antisemitism.

Let's be brave and fearless and sexy, let's find our voices, take our paths, strut our stuff. Let us be each other's biggest fans. Let us read books by and for older women. Let us write fearlessly, read joyfully, and love passionately.

If not now, when?


If not us, who?

Keep the pen moving (and the keys clicking)

Stella Fosse