Pandemic Strategies – What Can a Sexy Old Woman Do?
Did you ever expect to see an official government document recommend sexting and sending sexy pictures? Neither did I. But among the many plot twists of the last few months we have this official memo from New York City on how to enjoy sexuality without spreading COVID-19. It’s all about the joys of masturbation, video dates, sexting and chat rooms.
Taking it even further, the government of the Netherlands has instituted sex buddy guidance for singles in lockdown.
Not to be outdone, the Kinsey Institute (of Kinsey Scale fame) conducted four separate studies on the effects of COVID-19 on our sex lives and sex attitudes. You could have signed up (now ended) to be in one of them!
Meanwhile everybody and their brother is writing about why people in lockdown are horny—and why we are not. Here is one about the neurology of quarantine.
“Cupid in Quarantine: What Brain Science Can Teach Us About Love.” New York Times, April 16.
And this one says it’s a make-or-break time for ongoing relationships.
“Expert says pandemic is a good time for singles, bad for couple.” CBS Morning News, March 26.
Virtual reality sex clubs, Zoom sex parties, and videos that fetishize COVID-19 (!), are analyzed here:
“How coronavirus is transforming online dating and sex.” MIT Technology Review, March 26.
This Psychology Today article explains how dropping our denial about our own mortality makes us crave sex, as part of a field of study called Terror Management Theory:
“How the Pandemic Is Changing Pornography.” Psychology Today, March 23.
And this article discusses the various impacts of the pandemic on sexual behavior, with some people reporting a decrease in sexual activity and others reporting exploring new avenues of sexual behavior including sexting: “Love in the Time of COVID.” IU Research Impact, April 15.
In sum, these writers make the point that living in pandemic, like living in wartime, can make a person crave sex, or make a person forget all about it. Or have vivid dreams. And if you are one of those inclined to forget it, here is yet one more reason: newly published research reveals that corona virus shows up in semen. Although if you are close enough to an infected person to contact their semen, chances are you’ve already been exposed to their breath.
So there is plenty of general information about sex in our time. But try looking up pandemic sex and older women specifically, and instead you’ll get articles with all kinds of theories about why women survive COVID-19 more often than men do: the supposed superiority of XX over XY chromosomes, the protective effects of estrogen, and maybe androgens… no one really knows, not yet. So much about this pandemic is unexplored territory. And that is doubly true for sexy older women in the time of corona virus.
Leave it to senior sexpert Joan Price to go exploring. You may already have read one of Joan’s terrific books on senior sexuality, such as Naked at Our Age. Joan has just launched a new online collaboration with toy company Hot Octopuss called Senior Sex: A sexual resource for the over 50s. It includes a feature called “Are You Feeling Sexy During Lockdown?” with lots of great advice for long distance sex, negotiating sex play during a time of complicated feelings, and more. She even has a “Dear Joan” section where you can ask your questions about senior sex during lockdown.
While the focus of that New York City memo was how to enjoy sex and avoid spreading COVID-19, it didn’t mention one especially good way to enjoy sex safely during a pandemic: Erotic writing, or what The Guardian newspaper calls “Filth in the Time of Handwashing.” The premise of this article is that erotica that recognizes the reality of the pandemic is relevant now—and that there’s a market for pandemic erotica among bored and horny people in lockdown.
Barbara Keesling, the author of All Night Long: How to Make Love to a Man over 50, said in her review of Aphrodite’s Pen:
“Writing erotic literature, like fantasizing, is a great way to explore your sexuality and stay safe at the same time.”
That is even more important today than when Aphrodite’s Pen was published in September 2019. No matter what our situation, whether we are sheltering with a partner or on our own, we have access to memory and imagination. And we older women have the advantage of decades of memories of love and desire. Look back on your life and choose a favorite sexy memory and write about it for twenty minutes full speed, without stopping, editing, or judging. Capture the juiciness of that special moment. Or write about a favorite fantasy that you enjoy now, or enjoyed earlier in life.
Or if you prefer to write in the realm of pure fiction that recognizes our current sexual quandaries, in line with The Guardian article, try one of these fanciful lockdown prompts:
- A woman in her seventies dials a wrong number and ends up having phone sex with a man in his forties
- A couple in their sixties, who have been together for years, watch porn together for the first time.
- A woman in her fifties takes time for an orgasm every day of lockdown—with a variety of methods and fantasies.
We may not be able to go to a favorite café right now, and we can’t visit friends in a neighboring town. But when it comes to imagination and the freedom to write, it’s just like the song says: They can’t take that away from me.